I don’t really get why so many people have this idea that their ultimate goal in life should be to find this one someone to be with, romantically/sexually speaking. I mean I kind of get it. People are lonely. Well face it, as singular beings with feelings, we all universally suffer from loneliness, but I think being in a (romantic/sexual) relationship is really just a superficial fix for it. It might mitigate the loneliness but now you are dependent on this person to relieve yourself of this loneliness you had to begin with, and I would argue that this person also worsens the loneliness you will experience whenever you two are separated or (heaven forbid) break up or whatever. The Coupledom Curse, alas! This person (and the person after this one, and the person after that one) is a drug you’re hooked on, basically. Look, maybe my experience of loneliness is different from everybody else’s, but to me it’s kind of this paradoxically uncomfortable yet comforting ache. I think you really have to come to terms with it on your own before getting into any kind of relationship.
It’s like heart insurance. You need to deal with your own shit, your own headspace, being on your own, and being alone, before you jump into a relationship and then find out the hard way what it’s like and find yourself flailing into some other relationship just to keep you afloat because you can’t bear the idea of confronting yourself and that unbearable loneliness which actually, is pretty bearable. Trust me, the aloneness, the singleness, is not that bad. (Then again, I’m an introvert, so perhaps it is the most extreme form of torture for those who fall a bit closer towards extroversion on the spectrum of social interaction.) I’m probably at that point where I am way too much in my headspace and aloneness, but I find that other people I know have the opposite problem. I would, as a completely unqualified nonprofessional, recommend a good hearty dose of singlehood. For the record, I don’t think this is a one time thing. For the purposes of self-care, methinks being alone needs to be a recurring practice. It’s not like you’re single for one period of time and then BAM, you’re completely ready to dive into a series of sporadic, semi-meaningful relationships and never surface from the turbulent waters of interpersonal intimacy because you are now heartbreakproof. I think some time on your own is necessary in between to remind yourself that you are your own person and to reflect on who you are, as you are, and not in relation to someone else.
You are your best friend. You are your best bet against life’s ups and downs. You are your source of happiness, fulfillment, and interest in life. You are a whole person, not another person’s half. So why not act like it? I think that true independence and strength comes from not needing people in your life, but wanting them all the same.
Or you can dismiss this as a “Ugh Learkana hates people” post. That’s a pretty fair conclusion to draw.