The Creek

When I am alone
I can fold and put away my smile.
Lock up the chattering of my voice.
Sit in the stillness of my self
as my mind quietly drowns
in a creek running through
bitterly burbling
until my entire body is hollow
and crushed
under the weight
of this water falling out
from the blinds I opened in my eyes
when no one can see.
There is nothing here tonight
but this ache inside
is heavy enough
to slowly suffocate me while I watch
hoping not praying
because I was never a woman of faith
hoping that lonely is
a chronic disease
we are all dying from
so that I am not alone
with this void
that no amount of
small talk
or heart-to-hearts
or men can fill.
Wondering if my silence
is killing me
or making me stronger
Wondering if the feelings
behind these words
are a figment
of my imagination
that as soon as they leave my fingertips
they will only exist
as someone else’s question
to which I will always answer
with a lie
and a smile
and some chatter
that will drown out
the cacophony of sounds
still running in my head
slowly suffocating me
as I keep watch

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