Q&A

Um, what is this blog about?

Did you not read the fucking tagline, gosh.

You’re mean. Why are you so mean?

Because mediocre childhood and shitty coping mechanisms.

Maybe you should see a therapist?

I’m working on it ok

Your dating blog posts are really detailed. How do you remember so much of what happened? It’s like, kinda creepy.

Taking screenshots of messages has been very helpful in refreshing my memories of what transpired on dates. I also Google past date venues and locations and comb through previous social media posts as reference points. I also happen to have a knack for remembering seemingly inconsequential things people have said or done in relation to me, that those same people more likely than not have completely forgotten.

Yes, I am kinda creepy. (And self-centered.)

But! I don’t have some amazing photographic memory, so I have to take certain creative liberties. Most dialogue is paraphrased based on the gist of what I can recall. I try my best to write dialogue that conveys the overall sentiment of what I remember being said, factoring in tone, personality, and situational context.

All I can guarantee is that these stories are 100% emotionally true, while acknowledging that yes, I am a flawed, biased, and unreliable narrator/protagonist. (As many people are and not willing to admit.)

So you go on dates just so you can write about them? Wow you really are as manipulative and heartless as Taylor Swift.

UM EXCUSE YOU. There are plenty of things to criticize about Taylor Swift (mainly her history of Peak White Feminism and refusal to use her huge ass platform to speak on social and political issues) but her propensity for writing catchy songs about trash dudes is not one of them. In the words of T-Swift: “For a female to write about her feelings, and then be portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making you marry her and have kids with her, I think that’s taking something that potentially should be celebrated—a woman writing about her feelings in a confessional way—that’s taking it and turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist.”

Yes, Taylor Swift’s feminism is completely self-serving which I fucking detest, but that doesn’t make the above statement less true.

The truth is that I have never gone into a date expecting to write about the guy. I may be cynical, but not that cynical. It would be pretty draining and depressing if all I wanted to get out of a date is a story for my blog. I’m an introvert, chasing stories that way would kill me. I go on dates because as a human being I crave intimacy and connection and a part of me is always hopeful that things could turn out well. Unfortunately, what usually happens is I leave the date thinking, “Great, now I have to write about another fucking dude.” I would actually love to not write about so many of these disappointing dates. I told myself I would stop once I got into a meaningful relationship with one of these dudes. But that never happened, so here I am. Of course, I could just stop altogether regardless of my success with dating, but I feel like you don’t really ever get closure in millennial dating culture, so I guess this is my way of getting it as a writer. Why just sit with the disappointment, bitterness, loneliness, and hurt? Why not turn it into something more productive, like art and entertainment? It’s been my way of processing and healing. I’m sure Taylor Swift feels similarly.

Hey, I’m some dude you connected with in the past. Why haven’t you written about me? Just curious.

Are you sure I haven’t? I changed the names of all the guys I’ve written about, hopefully you have the self-awareness to identify yourself–regardless of whether you liked how I portrayed you.

But…if you’re pretty confident I didn’t, it’s probably because we didn’t meet directly through a dating app. Social media (Facebook, Instagram) doesn’t count in my book. My rule is that I only devote long-form narratives to dudes I meet up with in person through online dating. I have too many guys to write about as it is, I really don’t need this to be a free-for-all.

But…if you’re really that sad about it, check out this poem, or this one, or this one, or even this thing which isn’t really a poem but whatever. I’m mostly complaining about guys in general in these pieces, so you’re probably included. Happy now?

You could also skim through the I Liked You Until… section of this site and see if you made it there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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