OMGOKCWTF #6: Are you open to exploring with a Dominant man?

random (54-year-old) dude: Are you open to exploring with a Dominant man? One who values and respects the strength within you and is supportive of you when you don’t feel it yourself. Are you interested in walking a path that is spirit centered and being of service to the universe? Are you open to being held and loved for exactly who you are while at the same time being coaxed and encouraged to reach for more? It seems to be true and if you feel it is I would like to walk with you and experience the world sharing your bliss.

me: Nope, nope, and noooooooope.

random (54-year-old) dude: Awwwwwww

me: Dude, you’re 54. You need to find someone your own age.

random (54-year-old) dude: Lol, but I’m a kid at heart
I’m also a Daddy Dom
Oh and when we meet, lean in for a short hug and accept a kiss on your forehead

me: We’re not meeting ever. Please don’t message me again.


OMGOKCWTF #5: I’m already stalking you

random dude: I am rap, are you any good at it? I haven’t read a profile as interesting as yours..and reading all of the large words you put down made my brain tingle, I’m such a sapiosexual. you’re asian and appear to be super smart and kind of weird and a strong woman ( there’s nothing like a strong woman) you… You’re Like my fantasy… My dream woman! I’m already in love and I’m already stalking you. You’re looking so peaceful right now as you sleep. I would give you a small kiss but I’m stalking you via my astral body, so it must wait.

me: *report*


OMGOKCWTF #3: I’m just going to say off the bat that I’m not that interested in dating you

random dude: I’m just going to say off the bat that I’m not that interested in dating you. You seem like an interesting person but I don’t think we’d get along that well. I like guns, for one, though I don’t own any and would probably never take it to the range or really have ammo. I can agree with some parts of feminism but not others so there’s that, too. I just felt like sending this mini-rant I wrote a while back on “nice guys” to somebody else. It was a bit of commentary on this comic (http://imgur.com/a/RmAjE ) “The Friend-Zoner vs The Nice Guy.”
[insert really long ironic paragraph about how nice guys are douchebags here–I will spare you the mediocre details]
me: Why should I read this rant? You basically prefaced this huge ass block of text with, “I’m not interested in getting to know you but I know you’re definitely going to be interested in everything I say anyway.” Did you not read the bottom of my profile? [note: the bottom of my OKC profile reads “message me if you’re interesting and not a douchebag”]
random dude: Uhh… I did not expect a reply. Just delete this, then. I just thought you would get a chuckle out of it. It should not have taken retrospect but I was being a selfish asshole. Sorry. I’ll go away now.

OMGOKCWTF #2: If You Go On a Date with Me, I’d Give You $1000

random dude: hey there 🙂

random dude: you’re absolutely the most beautiful woman on this website

me: that’s the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard

random dude: why?

random dude: do you not believe me?

random dude: i do completely mean it

random dude: if you go on a date with me, i’d give you $1000.

random dude: why are you so mean?

random dude: im [sic] seriously willing to go down on you as much as you want, without reciprocation

random dude: meaning; you don’t have to do anything for me.

me: fyi i’m not a prostitute but thanks for offering to eat me out

random dude: you are looking for sex though right?

random dude: maybe after a few dates?

me: nope, i have decided as of this conversation that i am going to be celibate for the rest of my life